the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
