My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize