i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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