I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
