I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
