my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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