can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
