you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
