so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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