I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
