why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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