I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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