wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
