sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
