remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
