someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
