Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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