I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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