Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
