The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
