He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
