i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
