I faked an abortion last night.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
