I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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