I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
