he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
