I just pynch a tree in the face
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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