My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
