If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
