You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
