what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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