found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
