I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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