At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
