just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
