you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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