Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
