What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
