Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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