Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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