I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she smelled like a LAN party
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
