He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
