Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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