She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Watching her eat just hurts me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
