Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
