god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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