He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
