hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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