every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
