if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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