I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
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Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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