she looked like the before picture.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
