Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Holy shit dude........stairs
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