it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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