i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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