just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My bed smells like the plague
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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