I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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