mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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