i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
