Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i've created a new STD.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
